Many people during this time don’t feel so much afraid as they feel alone. With more time to think and less opportunities to socialize, it can be easy to fall into depression or loneliness.
The other day I was taken up by a raw, aching loneliness inside me. It was so strong I didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t focus on my online schoolwork.
So I went on a long walk with my dog and breathed in the fresh air. Then I read a chapter in the novel, Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. Throughout all of this, I poured out my longings to Jesus. I laid it all before Him. I ached with Him. I cried with Him. I shared the pain of my restless and lonely heart with Him.
“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” – Psalm 62:8
Jesus met me there with peace. So much, pure and perfect peace. And comfort. He understands what it’s like to feel alone. The people of his hometown rejected him. His disciples deserted him. Even God the Father left him alone, hanging on the cross to bear the sins of billions of people throughout history, in order to set humanity free from the power of sin and death.
“And at three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ (which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’).” Mark 15:34
Can you hear Jesus’ aching heart, crying out to the Father, ringing out into the still, empty air? Even Jesus felt completely, utterly alone. It is not a sin to feel lonely. It is only human. And Jesus felt that part of humanity for us, so He could be with us when we ourselves feel alone.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15
Search your heart. Do you feel lonely? If so, what are you longing for? When you feel lonely, you can always be sure that it’s because you are longing for something. Are you longing for companionship? Are you longing for acceptance? Belonging? Intimacy? Affection? Love?
Ask yourself, my dear friend: What are you longing for…?
It’s okay to acknowledge your deepest desires. I know I have been guilty of hiding what’s really going on deep inside me. As long as my mind enforces the truth, it doesn’t matter how my heart feels. At least that’s what I’ve told myself.
“You have everything you need in Jesus.” “Jesus is enough.”
Yes, those are true. But how can I believe it if I don’t experience His all-sufficiency? How can I believe it if I don’t let Him into the deepest parts of my being and nourish and satisfy me with His love in those areas? Do I actually live like Jesus is enough for me or do I just say that He is? The only way to live like it’s true is to experience it yourself.
Your longings are too strong to ignore. I’m not saying that the truth you tell yourself isn’t true, but that you have to acknowledge your own weakness in order for the truth to get from your head to your heart. You have to lay yourself honestly and brokenly before God in order for Him to meet you where you’re at. You have to let Him fulfill your desires with Himself, no matter how intimate and vulnerable that may seem.
Because the truth is, you need Him! You need Him involved in every area of your life. If you pretend like a part of you doesn’t exist, you are going nowhere. You’re stuck trying to pretend like everything’s all right when it’s really not. You’re being proud. I know when I do this, I feel distant from God, just as I would feel distant from a friend if I withheld the truth from her. It’s the humble thing to do to acknowledge how needy you are for the Savior’s affection.
I have tried guarding my heart with mind games. “You aren’t ready for a relationship.” “This will never work out with this person because…”
While those might be helpful at some capacity, they don’t address what’s really going on. What’s really going on?
You need to be loved! And the truth is, you are refusing to go to Jesus with that need. Go to Him, Beloved! Bring it all before Him. He is tender, compassionate, and has deep affection for you. He died for you, to woo your heart to Himself. He longs for you more than you long for Himself!
The other day as I poured my longings out on Jesus, I experienced His “enoughness”. I truly felt like He was enough for me. I didn’t hide or ignore what was really going on. I laid it all before Him, and I felt His presence so near me, soothing me.
Yes, believing the truth in your head is important. But not if it never goes to your heart. Acknowledging the truth about your longings in your heart is what will really set you free.
It’s okay to feel lonely during this season of quarantining. The key is, it’s what you do with the loneliness that will either make you feel like God doesn’t care or make you see that Jesus is truly able to satisfy your deep longings.
And even then, the whole world is groaning for the day when Jesus will completely reveal His love to the Church with the fullest revelation. Let Jesus satisfy your desires for today; and be encouraged that even then, we are allowed to feel restless and look forward to more, because we have not received all that our souls were created for yet—the richness of God in heaven.
Cry out to Him, today, Beloved. Invite Him into the pain of your aching longings, and find hope and rest in His love.
“For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-5