My book is called The Thrall’s Sword. This is a poem that goes with the main theme of my book.
Sometimes I am not who you think I am,
Sometimes I am the pounding rain–
And I pound and I pound,
Till I muddy up and sodden the ground,
And then there’s a silence
And I’m afraid that what I just did
Broke a boundary.
I fear I just let go of all the hope of ever loving someone
Whether or not they loved me,
And all the hope of getting that love back.
And then sometimes I am reminded that
There’s a swelling compassion
Not because of what I did
But because of what He’s done–
You know, the Savior who was beaten and nailed
Yet arose and won.
The compassion He carries is so deep and high
And is like an ocean that can’t soak up the ground–
It’s just too wide.
I fear I don’t deserve it, but like I said,
The ocean can’t soak up the ground–
Instead, it swallows the raindrops
That pound and pound
Until the rain immerses into the sea
and becomes a part of it.
I am not the rain, you know,
But I am the billowing ocean, a sail of water,
An undulating machine.
Wave upon wave, over and over,
I swallow the wrath of rain with
You know, the compassion of Jesus who won over the grave
And who won over me.
I swallow the hate, the sorrow, the greed,
Until what once was now
Carries a new identity.
I know I don’t deserve all the hope
Of loving a person
Whether or not they love me;
Or all the hope of getting that love
Back from God.
I fear I don’t deserve it,
But here I am, just some rain
Changed into a sea,
And that’s about as big as I can be,
And it’s all thanks to God that I can
Learn to love
And learn to let Him love me.